Slow move...

We had a huge fight two weeks ago. I told dh for the 1000th time what I need. I told him that I felt that he must have really low self esteem to constantly bring someone down with words. I also told him that I was keeping count of compliments for 6 weeks, and it was none.
He is trying. This week I have gotten 3 compliments.
I watched Fireproof last night. He was in the room the whole movie on his iPad. There might be hope yet.

Not any better

There seems to be a direct correlation to my weight loss and how I get treated. When I wOrk out, he speaks to me normally, when I don't I get talked down too. I am still waiting on a compliment. There have been none. If anything, things are going south. I don't know if I can make it a year. I am so over it.

Crap

So, I've taken enough of his attitude. I went out of my way for him and all I get in return is jerkiness. I don't feel like it's deserving.
I premade the pancake mix this morning while he was out just to be nice, got the coffee ready, took care of the kids, set him up with a list of items to pick up at the store because he was going, let him use my itouch while he's in the bathroom, was ready and had the kids ready for leaving prior to the time he wanted me to have them ready, and drove because he asked me too.
He needed a suit, so we are on our way to jcp with our kids (ages 7 and 3). I asked him if he liked my new hair cut and he said it was too short, but nice. Then he asked if I used my gift certificate. Yes. Was it more? Yes. How much more?? $60. He went into this soft tirade about how he can't believe i did that, I better like it, we don't have the same thoughts on the future and that we won't be able to buy a house next year...as we are driving out to buy him his 3rd suit.
At jcp his attitude continued. Has anyone ever enjoyed taking two young, bored children shopping and have a good time...NO. That is why some genius created target and any other place with a cart...the have seat restraints. So, the kids were being kids, I was trying to chase them, keep them under control, and offer my opinions to help him. Which he didn't take, and was doing a great job of ignoring me and the kids. I did a big sigh and that set him off. I'm done, take the kids to the car, I wanna get outta here. I explain my breath was for the kids, but, damage done. I took the kids back to the car and waited. We were to head to kohl's next. When he got in the car, I started toward the direction of kohl's. He said, I don't want to got, just go home...with attitude. Ggggrreeat.
I had to run to the drug store to pick up facewash. I also wanted beer. He has already stated he didn't want to drink this weekend. Does that mean I can't? Apparently I can't. Because I bought the beer and got the horrible speech of how I shouldn't because he doesn't.
Oh, and the pants are the wrong size. Can I go out and exchange them?? Really?? Really...

Well....

Today wasn't as quiet ad yesterday. Dh made a comment about my outfit. "are you going to wear that, you know you wore it Sunday and people you know will see you today.". Um, kids will, and that was 4 days ago, I did laundry.
When he came home, he made no call to me. When i am on my itouch, he always says in an ignorant way "how's Facebook? I have to prove to him I am not on! Also, he made a comment about the pins in the back of my dress, and asked me why? I said it was to big. "who does that??". I said, I dunno, I have seen it. "who?!". Really?? I finally just asked him if he was going to say anything nice. No go. Then he asks if I am going to work out?? *sigh*

Quiet day

Today is a quiet day. I haven't heard from dh. I complimented him on how nice he looked.
Once he came home there wasn't much interaction. Going to bed early.
C: 0/2. I: 1/2

True to love picture....

This picture says a lot about my relationship.

Day 1

So, here are the requirements. I have to at least give my dh a compliment a day. I need to get a compliment in order to have a percentage...for instance 1/365 is equal to 1 compliment a day. There can be more. This will also apply to insults. I have REPEATEDLY told dh I need compliments to out way my put downs. Compliments are not applicable during fights or as a method of foreplay. Same with insults...they are not applicable during fights.
Today is dh's first day of a new job. I wished him luck. I also texted him good luck and I love you. I received no txt back or contact-which is understandable for a first day. I did get snippy with him when he called to ask me where his parents were. I didn't know, and questioned him on why I would know?? I apologized and tried to tell him I didn't know and they made no mention of going out today.
He gets home for work and we have some simple conversations. I did get a snide remark about me working out or not.
C: 0/1. I: 1/1

Beginnings

I'm beginning to wonder if everyone has been lying, or if this is just the way it is? Tomorrow I start day one of my experiment on whether this is the way it really is and that this is all there is on love and marriage. I know at the end of this I may end up up alone, but, I am hoping empowered. I hate that I hate myself and that I put my self worth into another persons hands. I guess I am weak that way. I need others approval to gain any self worth. In a year I hope to gain strength, lose excess baggage and that my idea of love is normal, and that I deserve it.