Beginnings

I'm beginning to wonder if everyone has been lying, or if this is just the way it is? Tomorrow I start day one of my experiment on whether this is the way it really is and that this is all there is on love and marriage. I know at the end of this I may end up up alone, but, I am hoping empowered. I hate that I hate myself and that I put my self worth into another persons hands. I guess I am weak that way. I need others approval to gain any self worth. In a year I hope to gain strength, lose excess baggage and that my idea of love is normal, and that I deserve it.